i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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