How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
