hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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