Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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