you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
