TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
