i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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