sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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