ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
