hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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