It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish my penis had a tongue
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
