For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
