So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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