we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the day after is always just damage control
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
