U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
