i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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