My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
is that a dick in a sweater?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
