We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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