do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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