After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
