dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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