hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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