The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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