Someone shit on the floor
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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