So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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