i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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