soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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