I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
