Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
