Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
