I love black thongs
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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