Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
