she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
