took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
