Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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