True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
