if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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