Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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