Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
