i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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