You can't motorboat a personality
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
