Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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