Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm getting married
To pizza
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
