There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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