No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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