she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
