Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
