I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
