the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
