i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
