ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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