Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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