Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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