is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
