i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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