He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
