I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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