His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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