oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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