the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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