So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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