i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
