lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
