I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
