i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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