Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my poor anus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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