Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
