The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
