Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
