omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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