I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
