Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
