When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
