Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
