When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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