I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
