So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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