12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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